I woke up this morning in a bit of a low mood. I curled up on the sofa and watched ‘To The Bone’ on Netflix which made me even sadder. Not the best idea?
I decided to throw on some makeup and take a walk to Tesco. Mainly just to get out of the house.
I enjoy applying makeup when I’ve got loads of time, so I thought I’d try a smokey eye. One thing led to another and I let go of my feelings all over my face.
I’m not a makeup artist. I love makeup, I always have, but I wouldn’t say I’m any good at it. Just average.
But I wasn’t really thinking about what I was doing. I just did what I wanted and what felt good to me.
The burst of pointless creative energy lifted my spirits and got me motivated to get back on my laptop. I fiddled around on photoshop for a bit while listening to all Solange albums on shuffle. She’s quickly becoming one of my favourite artists, and I love how every album is so different.
As I was editing the image, I was listening to ‘This Bird’ which has a euphoric ending, sending chills down my spine and a tear to my eye. It just felt right to title this blog ‘This Bird’s Not Slowing Down’ because, despite my destructive mind’s best efforts this week, I’m not slowing down.
I’ve got too much to give.
I feel like I look at so many blogs on a daily basis, and sometimes it can be overwhelming. It’s the classic mistake of comparing ourselves to others. When I see these beautifully fresh looking blogs with beautiful blonde skinny girls flouncing around on a beach, I can’t help but feel like I’m not worthy.
That’s just a lifetime of shit built up in my head. I’ve never felt truly worthy in any area of my life. I’ve always felt inferior to others, but that’s why comparisons are bullshit. We all need to stay in our lane, and not focus on what others are doing. Otherwise, it’s detrimental.
I’m never going to be a blonde, skinny girl who wears pink and drinks green juice. Not because I can’t but because I don’t want to.
On the surface, some people can appear like carbon copies. But in real life, when it comes down to an individual and their thoughts, there are no two people alike and thank God for that.
I need to indulge in my creativity more, it’s such a satisfying release. I’d love to just buy a massive canvas and a bunch of paints and see what happens. I’m shit at drawing, but I think the total abandonment of any thought process could be a great form of creative therapy.